i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
