My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
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Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
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I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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