i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
