I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He felt like a one man threesome
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
