i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
