remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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