I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
