I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
