I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
