I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
