You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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