i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
