You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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