I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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