this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
