I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
