shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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