You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
