i just google imaged poop.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
