Having a random hookup so left but love u
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
