tell your sister to shave her snatch
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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