You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
