Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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