How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
