dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Randomize
