If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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