That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
