apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
