I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
