Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Please don't give away my fajitas
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
