My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
