Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
