Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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