someone owes me an orgasm
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
