I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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