sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
