i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
