Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
