margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
