Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am one with the molecules
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
