I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he was CRYING into my vagina
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
