I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
