I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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