My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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