im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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