She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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