sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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