I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
