So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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