nut hugger
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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