i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
