He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
