I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
