She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
