watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
