I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
