Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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