He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
