Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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