how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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