wakey wakey hands off snakey
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
