I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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