no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
